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Tiny Boss Eats His Own Poop – Been There, Done That

I’m sorry. I know it’s been less than a week since my last blog post about poop. But I just have to share this because writing is my therapy, misery loves company, and . . . I just gotta say it, my baby stuck his own poop in his mouth today!

It was completely my fault too. We had just gotten back from lunch and Tiny Boss was sweaty, so I took off his diaper to let him air out before putting on a new one. As we relaxed on the mattress on the floor (which is now the bed we share with Tiny Boss), enjoying the breeze of the ceiling fan, I started getting sleepy . . . so sleepy.

And I jolted awake. I don’t know how long I fell asleep for. A minute? Five minutes? Tiny Boss was sitting besides me, calmly eating Cheerios. I looked around to assess the carnage. Room looked fine. I looked around specifically to see if he pooped, since he seems to like pooping in the most inconvenient of places – he didn’t. So I thought. But now that I was awake and he had an audience, he did saunter over to a nearby pillow and proceeded to pee on it. Fine. I got up to get a diaper. And when I came back, he had put something in his mouth, which he spit out immediately.

No such luck.

No such luck.

It looked like a squashed Snickers’ mini. Only how did one get in our room and how did he unwrap it?

I already knew the answer before I saw it. Two perfectly formed logs, stealthily camouflaged amidst a brown puppy dog towel. We had bought the towel at Target; at the time, it was the cutest thing ever. Now, I vow not to have anything in any shade of brown in our room that could potentially conceal turds.

The cursed towel.

The cursed towel. Don’t ask me if I washed it yet.

I scooped Tiny Boss up, ran to the bathroom sink, and washed his hands. I hesitated – am I supposed to wash his mouth out? We’ve tried to teach him how to spit, but haven’t been successful. I decided to use my fingers to “brush” his front teeth and washed his lips and chin, trying not to freak out.

Then I rapidly went through the four stages of disgust – shock, revulsion, more shock, and resignation – followed by some frantic Googling. Apparently, this is pretty common, since it’s the first thing that popped up when I started typing “baby ate p . . .”


Thanks to the Illinois Poison Control, I started to feel a little bit of relief. Apparently, this is quite common, and not harmful (in small amounts), and one should remain calm and carry on unless the child starts exhibiting symptoms like “persistent/continued vomiting, diarrhea or fever.”

God bless these people.

The Illinois Poison Center even has a blog about the calls they get about children and infants eating poop, and ranks the type of poop in order of frequency of calls they get:

1) Human

2) Cat

3) Dog

4) Other

I don’t even want to think of what “other” poop kids will try eating.

They’ve also gotten calls about kids eating used condoms, used tampons, live cockroaches, live goldfish, backwashed enema fluid . . . yeah. I’ll stop.

But check out the IPC blog. There’s tons of useful information in there, and most of it is easy to read, even for those with weak stomachs, like my husband.

* * *

It’s been four hours since the poop-tasting, and Tiny Boss seems fine. He finally napped, but not without doing this first:

Yes, again. The black thing is a measuring cup. Does anyone else wash their kids with kitchen utensils?

Yes, again. The black thing is a measuring cup. Does anyone else wash their kids with kitchen utensils?

Good thing the weak-stomached husband will be home soon.



I used to think being an attorney was a tough job. Then I had kids.

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