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Top 5 Best Careers for Toddlers

In my everlasting quest to find the perfect job (oh wait, that’s not motherhood?), I started reading this book, Do What You Are: Discover the Perfect Career for You Through The Secrets of Personality Type. It’s based on the Myers-Briggs personality types. Once you figure out your personality type, it’s easier to predict what jobs you would naturally enjoy and excel at, and which ones you’d be terrible at.

For example, as an INFP – an introvert, intuitive, feeling perceiver (or possibly an INFJ), I’d be a terrible CFO. But there are plenty of you bean-counters out there who would naturally excel at making high-stake decisions or taking calculated risks.

Which made me think of Tiny Boss and toddlers in general. Toddlers could really use some career counseling. For example, my son would love to be the guy who makes announcements over the PA system – he’s been practicing consistently for what feels like the better half of the last decade every time we go into a store, or the library, or any space enclosed by four walls.

Newsflash, Tiny Boss: English, or proficiency in some language, is usually a requirement for these types of jobs. And no, whining is not a language.

So I’ve come up with a short list of the top five jobs toddlers should try instead, based on the “Toddler Personality Type.”

1. Quality Assurance with Molly Maids (or any housekeeping service)

Every toddler possesses the innate ability to discover the minutest piece of dirt, debris or otherwise disgusting/inedible particle in even the cleanest house. Every housekeeping service should hire a toddler to root out any missed spots.

2. Mattress Tester

Does anyone else remember those commercials with the glass of wine on top of the mattress? Someone sits on the mattress or even jumps on it, and the mattress doesn’t move because of its dual foam technology or 1,375,372 individual spring coils? Anyone? Well, a toddler would be the perfect candidate to test out the quality of your mattress. Just have him fall asleep on one, and see if you can creep into bed without waking him up.

3. Dog Personal Trainer


Well, some toddlers (and dogs) are better at this than others.

I don’t mean a dog trainer. I mean a dog personal trainer. You know, like a personal trainer for dogs, especially dogs that are overweight. Just let one or more toddlers into a room with your pet, and watch that lazy pooch’s activity level rise.

*Note: may be hazardous to both toddler and/or dog in many, if not most, households.

4. Human Personal Trainer

Just three more miles, mom!

Just three more miles, mom!

Watching a toddler is actually a complete workout ritual. You can warm up with repetitive movements. “Oh, did you throw that out of your high chair? Let me get it” equals hamstring stretch! “Your firetruck is under the sofa again? Let me lay on the floor and see how far my arm can stretch.”

When you’re ready for cardio, just take them to the park, or better yet, let them loose in a department store. If you need a little extra excitement in your workout that day, try Home Depot or Ikea.

When your toddler decides you’ve worked out hard enough for a break and decide to take a nap, be sure to get in some crazy yoga poses by attempting co-sleeping on your bed. Remember, the smaller the mattress, the more challenging! No pain, no gain, guys!

5. All-natural birth control.


‘Nuff said.



I used to think being an attorney was a tough job. Then I had kids.

One response »

  1. Hilarious! 🙂 I can see potential in my little Jacob already for some of those jobs. I’d probably add celebrity to the list because whenever I’m out with him, everyone wants to see him and give him a cuddle.


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