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Fears With Having a Second Child

first child second child

I was talking with my OB the other day (who is so far my favorite doctor I’ve ever had, but ask me again after she delivers my kid) about how different carrying the second child is from carrying the first. I told her I felt a little guilty because this time around, I don’t even know what week of pregnancy I’m on unless I go online to find a due date calculator. She laughed and said that was normal.

“I was talking to a friend who said he noticed that his parents had tons of pictures of his older sister and barely any of him,” I further confided. “I’m really terrified that I’ll neglect the second one and she’ll grow up with some sort of complex.”

My doctor laughed. “My husband was the second child in the family and was adamant we be extra careful. We try to take pictures of number two, but the first one always manages to sneak into the picture.” I wondered if I should tell my friend that.

* * *

I grew up as an only child, so I had no idea what it was like to have a brother/sister that you loved/hated. I could only look at my friends and draw my own conclusions, such as:

For families with only two kids: if the girl is born first and then the boy is born second, they’ll both turn out really awesome. But if the boy is born first and the girl is second, then the boy will be a total weirdo but the girl will be awesome. (This one is based in part on my ex-boyfriend, who was totally lame but had an awesome younger sister, as well as my close girlfriends who had totally weird older brothers. Too bad I’m about to prove this theory wrong with my first born son and soon-to-be-born daughter!)

get along

There are also the things my friends have told me: The more kids the mom has, the dumber they get. All the smart genes get passed to the first couple of kids. (My friend who said this is the youngest of three).

And per my mom: No matter how many kids there are, the third kid is always the smartest kid. (What if there’s only two kids, mom?”)

Another friend shared this bit of wisdom, which I thought was interesting: The first child is a gift for your husband. The second child is a gift for your first child. The third child is a gift for yourself. (She summed this up by saying, “I have three kids and it’s the perfect number. One is cooking breakfast right now, the other is doing the dishes, and the youngest is folding clothes!” But two might be the perfect number for us – although I’ve learned through parenting to never say never.)

I'm almost as afraid as this kid. Almost.

I’m almost as afraid as this kid. Almost.

Then there are the many fears that have suddenly come up as I’m getting closer to my due date. Some of these anxieties are legit; others are simply because I’m batsh*t crazy. I’ll let you be the judge; here they are:

Fear #47: “what if I love one child more than another?” 


Fear #212: “what if the second one wants to sleep in bed with us too?”


But with TWO kids. One for mom, one for dad?

Fear #6: “what if they REALLY don’t get along?”

Fear #2,098: “what if she’s even harder to raise than Tiny Boss?”

Fear #874: “what if she ends up hating me?”

And the list goes on and on. I guess in the end, like all things parenting, you just do the best that you can and hope that they don’t turn out to be psychopaths. Or Miley Cyrus.


I’m not into slut shaming. I really am not. But I also don’t want my kid’s photos to permanently be in the spank bank of a bazillion dudes. Not that this particular picture necessarily would make it there.



I used to think being an attorney was a tough job. Then I had kids.

8 responses »

  1. my youngest son is bullying my eldest son…btw, they are 8 years apart…they have a love hate relationship…and my youngest one is such a jealous boy… Always remember that boys are closer to the mum (oedipus complex) and the girls are closer to their dad (elektra complex) =D

    • Wow, I didn’t realize that were that far apart in age. Why is the second one jealous? Because he wants to do all the things the first one does? Or mostly just personality?

      I have heard the boys/mom and girls/dad thing. Personally, I wouldn’t mind if my daughter has a closer bond with her dad than with me – at least, that’s what I think now. But I have learned that in parenting, all my assumptions fly out the window once the child is born.

      Someone told me once that having kids is “like taking your actual physical heart out of your body and having it walk around all over the place.” I completely agree. That’s another reason why I’m a little bit frightened of having the second one too. I don’t know how much of my heart I can have walking around all over the place!

      • you are such a super hero mum… you are really good in multi tasking…work…being a wife and a mum…plus you are pregnant…and you have this huge sense of humour…keep up the good work ;-P

  2. It’s funny cos I recently posted about a second child too, and why I wanted it to be another boy (though I know I’d love a girl too). Someone told me that your two children will be complete opposites from each other – don’t know if that’s a good thing…

    • I just saw your post! I’d have to agree with all of those reasons. Deep down, I knew before the anatomy ultrasound at 18 weeks that I was having a girl . . . but I wanted a boy, as horrible as it sounds to admit it. Yes, it was the hand-me-downs and the future bodyguards and all that – but it’s also because 1.5 years later, I’ve fallen head over heels in love with my son. It’s easier for me to imagine having this much love all over again for someone who is just like him – and like you, I was an AWFUL teenage girl, so I’m a bit terrified of having to go through something like that myself!

      We had a baby shower this weekend though, and I do admit, all the girly stuff really started to make me swoon a bit 🙂 I’m just starting to get over my fear of having a girl and starting to get excited again.

      • Aww I know how you feel, but everything happens for a reason and I’m sure that you’ll fall in love with this girl. I think, girl or boy, there will be challenges but also many rewarding moments. And who’s to say you need to buy a whole new wardrobe? I know my girl (if I have one) will be wearing some of her brother’s clothes and sharing his toys.

        Hope your baby shower was heaps of fun and helped you embrace the soon arrival of your little miss. 🙂 Any baby is precious, no matter what.

  3. At lionsdentintin, aw, thanks! Coming from another mom that means a lot. I see you have a blog now; I’ll have to check it out!

  4. ligurl27, true true! Xoxoxo


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